Regression Doesn't Mean You're Avoiding Your Problems: A Nuanced Take

Someone told me once that I use regression to avoid my problems. They said it like it was obvious — like of course an adult who watches cartoons and sleeps with a stuffed dinosaur is just trying to escape reality. I thought about it for a while. And then I realized: no, I use regression to regulate my nervous system so I can face my problems. There's a difference. A big one.

For me, avoidance is when I refuse to engage with something difficult and never come back to it. Regulation is when I step back, stabilize, and later return with more capacity. That distinction is a personal framework, not a clinical test. The useful question is what happens next: does this pause help me reconnect with my life, or is it leaving me more stuck?

What Regression Actually Does

When I regress, I'm not pretending my problems don't exist. I experience it as a break from the pressure to perform — to be articulate, to make decisions, to handle everything like a competent adult. That pressure is part of what makes problems overwhelming for me. A temporary step back can change how large a problem feels, even though the problem has not gone away. I still have to deal with the thing afterward. I just don't have to deal with it while I feel overwhelmed.

The Difference Is in What Happens After

Here's one way to reflect on the difference between avoidance and regulation: what happens when the regression ends? If you come back to your life and responsibilities, the pause may have helped. If you remain unable to function or the pattern causes distress, you may need more support than regression alone can provide. I cannot generalize that pattern to everyone who regresses. For me, it is adaptive coping; the judgment around childlike-looking coping is not useful.

You're Allowed to Take Breaks

You don't have to be in crisis mode every second to deserve a break. You don't have to handle everything before you're allowed to step back. Regression is not a reward for solving all your problems. It can be a way to make a difficult day more bearable while you work on them. If it stops helping or starts creating risk, asking for support is allowed too.

— Michael

About the Author

Michael was diagnosed autistic at five and non-verbal until they were five. They work at an independent bookstore where they run the entire ecommerce operation. They live in Virginia and use regression as a tool, not an escape — and they're tired of people who can't tell the difference.