In 1992, there were two aisles in the toy store. Pink and blue. There were two sections in the clothing catalog. There were two lines at every school form — M or F — and no third option, no blank space, no 'none of the above.' I was eight years old. I didn't have the word 'non-binary.' I didn't have any words. I just had a persistent, confusing certainty that neither aisle was mine.
I remember standing in the toy store, wanting the action figure AND the doll. Wanting the dress AND the baseball glove. Being told by adults — gently at first, then firmly — that I had to pick. That I couldn't have both. That boys liked these things and girls liked those things, and I had to decide which one I was. I wasn't either. But 'neither' wasn't on the menu in 1992.
I spent thirty years trying to pick a side. I tried the girl side — the dresses, the makeup, the performance of femininity that felt like wearing someone else's skin. I tried the other side — cutting my hair short, dressing in ways that felt more comfortable but also drew stares. Nothing fit. Not because there was something wrong with me. Because the system was built on a binary that didn't include my actual experience. I wasn't broken. The categories were.
The reclamation has been slow. At thirty-eight, I'm buying myself the toys I couldn't have — not for a specific gender, just for me. I'm wearing what I want without checking which section of the store it came from. I'm letting myself be the kid who didn't fit, who couldn't fit, who was told to pick a side and finally, at thirty-eight, stopped trying. The action figure and the doll both sit on my shelf. They've been waiting a long time. So have I.
— A reader of The Unadulting Society
About The Unadulting Society
The Unadulting Society is a collective of writers, advocates, and lived-experience experts exploring what adulthood looks like when you reject the milestone factory and build a life that actually fits. We publish community voices alongside our regular contributors. If you have a story to share, we'd love to hear from you.
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